,

My marriage was over and I felt discarded at Christmas, but that’s not the end of my story

Discarded. It’s a word I often hear when talking to women whose marriages have ended. It’s how I felt after my own marriage ended six years ago. And as the Christmas season rolls around again, I know that newly divorced women and single moms will feel especially discarded during the holidays.

That feeling of being discarded, disregarded, pops into so many small moments. When the invitation never arrives for a party you and your spouse had attended each December for as long as you can remember. When your children are included in holiday events with your former in-laws, and you’re left home alone. When church friends ask why your kids aren’t with you at the Christmas Eve service. 

Feeling discarded is painful. And at Christmas, it can feel like you’ve been stranded on the island of misfit toys. When your house is empty at Christmas, you need to know someone sees you.

WHAT CAN GOOD PEOPLE DO WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART AT CHRISTMAS

Part of feeling discarded is realizing you don’t know where you fit anymore. I recently polled divorced women about the phrases people used that made them feel damaged, abandoned, discarded. I was shocked by what they had been told:

“Get over it and move on.” 

“You’ll be happy when you find someone else.”

“What part did you play in causing him to cheat?”

“Abusive? Where did he hit you?” 

“You talk a lot; that probably wore him out.”

“Were you controlling or needy?”

“Did you put the kids above him?”

“He wouldn’t do that; he’s a church elder.”

“God can’t use a divorced woman.”

“You should have stayed, no matter what.”

The harshness and cruelty is devastating. No wonder so many divorced women feel discarded. 

There’s a cry of injustice that comes with being dismissed and discarded. The Bible recounts the story of a servant girl, Hagar, trapped in a situation where she was mistreated and discarded. Her mistress Sarai was jealous of Hagar to the point that Hagar finally ran away.

THIS CHRISTMAS, LET’S PAY ATTENTION TO THE DONKEY AND LESSONS WE NEED TO LEARN

But God finds Hagar and speaks to her. Hagar calls Him “the God who sees me.”

This is the mention in scripture of an angel of the Lord visiting anyone, though the experience was later shared by Abraham, Moses, Balaam, Gideon, and others. It’s important to note that this first mention of the angel of the Lord appearing was to a person who was discarded. God appeared to a single mother-to-be who had been mistreated and ran away.

God saw Hagar. As I moved through my own heartbreak and divorce, I often felt seen by God. Sometimes it has been as I read my Bible, prayed or journaled. Other times I felt seen by God in the loving words and actions of family and friends. 

Three years after my divorce, I was anticipating my first Christmas morning without my three children. I’d known it was coming since the Christmas before, but advance notice didn’t soften the hard reality. 

I certainly didn’t expect this every-other-Christmas situation when I said “I do” two decades earlier. It could have felt like life had moved on and people had forgotten I was still alone. But I didn’t feel discarded that year. I felt loved and seen. 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE FOX NEWS OPINION

One set of good friends, The Brewsters, had become extended family, friends for the long haul, for life. I would feel totally comfortable spending Christmas morning with their crew. But that year their family was would be visiting family in another state, so Jackie Brewster and I enjoyed our own pre-Christmas celebration breakfast. Afterward, as I pulled into her driveway to drop her off, she asked me to wait. She had something she needed to grab for me.

I was shocked when Jackie reappeared at her front door. She and her entire family of six were carrying ten wrapped gifts they had picked out and purchased with loving care. For me. 

You see, Jackie was raised by a single mom. She had a front-row seat to a mother’s Christmases alone, so their family was making sure I felt seen and included. 

That Christmas morning, I woke up to an empty house. I was alone (except for my trusty bird dog, who had a stocking full of treats), but I felt seen. With the lights twinkling on the tree and a fire in my fireplace, I slowly unwrapped each gift.

Seeing what each member of their family had picked out made me smile and the thoughtfulness of their gifts brought me to tears. I was known. I hadn’t been discarded. The gifts reminded me they knew me, they saw me as an extension of their family, and they loved me enough to help me celebrate my Christmas alone. I was cherished and loved.

God sees you. He knows when you feel discarded and heartbroken, when you have been mistreated and abused. Be patient, keep showing up, and be brave and vulnerable. You’ll find the place where you’re accepted and wanted. Because God sees you.

 

PATRIOT WATCHDOG ALERTS
STAY IN THE LOOP

📬 Join our community of patriots & and stay vigilant by keeping an eye on the proceedings.
Get “early alerts” from some of your favorite conservative news sources, exclusive reports, network-only offers, and political content delivered straight to your inbox.

🇺🇸 #PatriotWatch2024 🇺🇸

The 2024 election 🇺🇸 is upon us, and it's crucial that we stay informed and united. Join us and show your support. Help to see that our democracy thrives!

Living Under Democratic Rule

A Survival Guide For Republicans, Conservatives, & Libertarians

Democrats hate the Constitution. They hate individual liberty. They hate freedom. But they didn’t just wake up this morning snarling and twirling their handlebar mustaches, born with an innate desire to be “the bad guys.”

Democrats’ hatred for your liberty has a driving force: the need to control

Living Under Democrat Rule will first take you a little deeper into what makes Democrats such a problem. Then we’ll explain how important it is to your well-being to be smarter than the Democrats.

Patriot Watchdog: Election 2024

Join For Updates & Show Your Support For Election 2024

(politics) Elect Form

— SUPPORT 2024 ELECTION —

Patriot Watchdog: News, Politics, Opinion & More

Stay in the loop! 📬 Join our community and get the latest updates, exclusive content, special offers and political content delivered straight to your inbox.

Subscription Form
Trump Campaign 2024 - Support For The Right @RedAsHell.com
(politics) Get the latest updates news and more politics content.

Patriot Watchdog: News, Politics, Opinion & More

Stay in the loop! 📬 Join our community and get the latest updates, exclusive content, special offers and political content delivered straight to your inbox. 

Exclusively for patriots who support viewpoints that lean towards a conservative or "right-wing" perspective. Members of this network support viewpoints that lean towards a conservative or "right-wing" perspective and believe in the importance of preserving traditional values and principles, and support commentary that reflects these beliefs.

What can you expect? You can expect to see news, commentary and content of a conservative nature, receive periodic newsletter emails (which you can turn on/off as you wish), optionally engage in meaningful discussions/share insights, gain access to exclusive tools/resources and stay informed about the latest developments in the US economy, news, and politics. Access is always 100% free and active participation is optional. 


Calling All Red Blooded Patriots...

Patriot Watchdog: election 2024
Are You IN Or Out?

Attention all red-blooded patriots! 🇺🇸 The 2024 election is upon us, and it's crucial that we stay informed and united. Join RedaShell's Patriot Watchdog to keep a vigilant eye on the proceedings and show your unwavering support. Stand with us, be the voice of the nation, and let's ensure our democracy thrives! #PatriotWatch2024"

JOIN OUR CONSERVATIVE NETWORK

GET CONSERVATIVE COMMENTARY & UPDATES DIRECTLY IN YOUR INBOX

Subscription Form

youir privacy is 100% protected